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[QUOTE=nick_mas]Not sure what more general rule this is part of, but ill give an example.

I have a creature with persist blocking a Spitemare(deals damage when its dealt damage). Persist creature dies to the Spitemare, Spitemare doesn't die.

Can the Spitemare use its 'deal damage when dealt damage' to kill the persist creature after persist creature has come back from the graveyard with a -1/-1 counter? does this use the stack and order by player priority?

Thanks :)[/QUOTE]

No you cannot kill the returning persist creature (under normal circumstances) because
1) when the ability goes on the stack, you must select a legal target then, before the persist resolves. The persist creature is still in the graveyard at this time and cannot be selected.
2) Even if you could select it when it was still on the field, if it has left the field FOR ANY REASON, it is considered a brand new card completely independent of the original: all effects targeting it on the field would be targeting something that no longer exists.

The way this works:

both Spitemare and a creature with persist (such as Safehold Elite) both deal combat damage to each other.

The Spitemare survives, but the persist creature is slain.

Both Spitemare's ability and the Persist ability trigger at the same time. The abilities are placed on the stack in APNAP order (the guy who's turn it is puts his abilities on the stack and selects targets first, then the guy who's turn comes next, etc.)
It is at this moment that targets are selected. Unless otherwise stated, a card has to be on the battlefield to be targeted and the persist creature is still in the graveyard at this time. You cannot target the persist creature without a spell or ability that allows you to change the target of an ability (an ability is different than a spell)
Furthermore, you could only target the persister with a change target spell if it was your turn because of the way the stack works (your turn persist resolves first, his turn Spitemare will resolve first).